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Why We Reject The Love We Deserve

Why We Reject The Love We Deserve


Everyones looking for love. Whether you know it or not, deep down, we crave love and acceptance. But the thing here is, we are not always reciprocative of this love, we tend to push away the people who love us. But why? Here are some ideas.

Its easy to think that the person showing us love is weak in some sense. Sometimes people are afraid of getting hurt and thus, they have their guards up (As high as the Great Wall of China or as ‘shallow’ as the US-Mexico border). It might be easier if the love was unrequited and it is easier to hurt others than having to say that you’ve been hurt. Or even vice versa, you may be afraid of hurting someone else.

But somewhere along the lines, it becomes clear that the feelings are mutual.

Then comes the stage of denial or ‘testing waters’ where we think that they can’t be as good as we think they are. ‘Why would that person reciprocate my feelings?’ But the problem here is that often times its not about who they are as a person but really how we perceive them to be. The problem lies with us. We doubt why are they treating us so well, seemingly trying to please us in whatever they do. And it may feel as if whatever they do or say makes you repulsive and sometimes perplexed. It could be that we are genuinely not used to it because we don’t believe that we are deserving of this love or we simply just don’t think that this person truly loves us for who we are. Love can be hard to understand and accept based on what we believe.

So we turn to other means of trying to shrug the person off. We give them cold replies or worse, reply their text three days later. We don’t pick up their calls and treat them like poop. We present the worse possible side of us, in hope that they will leave and thus proving to them that we are not who they thought we were. We think, ‘How could anyone still stick around and love the worse possible side of me?’

However we also have to allow ourselves to entertain the thought that perhaps they see something in us, that is deserving of love, that we don’t see. Learn to trust the one who loves us, and learn to love them back. Just because of what we think or how our past may have shaped our mindset, learn that it may not always be weakness when they show us love. But them choosing to be vulnerable to a loveliness that they see in us. To love is to be vulnerable. We don’t always have to have our guards up when we realise someone truly loves us.

Having all that in mind, “Love is a choice, followed by an action, accompanied by emotion.” And sometimes even if the feelings are mutual, it doesn’t mean there should be a call to action. Sometimes, choosing not to do is also love.



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