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Why ending a friendship is so much harder than a breakup

Why ending a friendship is so much harder than a breakup


Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone. – Margaret J. Wheatley

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Have you ever thought of what friendship really means? Its really hard to put into words. Friendships are mutually beneficial, meaning each of you get something out of the relationship.

There is a difference between falling out of love and falling out of a friendship. It is often unexpected, extremely derailing, and difficult to navigate the lonely aftermath of.

We all have recipes for dealing with breakups from our romantic partners – Binge watching 10 romantic movies over a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, while on the phone, with none other than your best friend. But when that friendship ends, the source of that little nugget of wisdom during those crisis is totally useless.

When you consciously de-friend your best friend, it can get really disastrous. When that one person, to whom you text every mundanity of your every day life, who knows you inside and out, who is always by your side, betrays you, hurts you, or otherwise removes themselves from your life, it can be more destructive that the loss of any romantic partner you’ve ever experienced.

Here’s 5 reasons why:

1. You never expected it

This might sound more appropriate to romance than friendships, but more often or not, when you get extremely close to a person, to the point of sharing your deepest darkest secrets, to updating your period schedules, and not having to impress them but yet still remain close… You will probably never expect your friendship to end like your romantic relationship. There’s no signs or symptoms to prepare you for the fallout. The end of it results you in pain.

2. It’s irreplaceable

Finding a compatible best friend is way harder than finding a compatible boyfriend. The dynamics between the both of you will need to work in order to tell them every single information about yourself. We probably don’t need our romantic partners to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of our most heinously irrational feelings, period schedules, or candidates in our burn book, but we’ll need a best friend to know that.

3. It’s much harder to explain

When you try to explain how your relationship ended, it’s always easy to rationalise.
“He cheated on me”; “He’s not the right one”; “We both want different things”.
Being asked to define just why a friendship ended is terrifying and confusing. Even if your friend did something hurtful, it’s hard to rationalise exactly why you needed to cut them out. People often expect your pain to be transient in friendship, and it can be hard to justify out loud exactly what it was that made you pull the plug on a BFF.

4. There aren’t that many fishes in the sea

There are so many stupid lines people have to make themselves feel better about the end of a relationship – “There are plenty of fishes in the sea”, “You can do better”, “He doesn’t deserve you” – which by the way is overused and clićhe. For the most part, they work. Unfortunately, there are no such convenient sayings to couple with the end of a friendship.

5. There’s no one that can help you get through it

The final and saddest part is that the only person whom you can pour out your feelings to is the same person whom you’ve lost.

Losing a best friend is definitely hard, but hey, everything happens for a reason right? Take a hint from Khloé Kardashian: “Consume your thoughts with productive things and surround yourself with friends and family that you love”.

Whether you’re trying to get over an ex or a friend, that’s solid advice.

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Hui Xin Huixin is a true ENFJ. Her passions include fashion, dancing and everything design. Her latest obsession? Acai!


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