Love exists everywhere if you look hard enough. It exists in everyone if you look hard enough.
There are times where you’re lying in bed before dawn, wide awake. Your mind is crippling with thoughts that have been there for so long you can’t even recognise where it began – you’re not enough, you’ve lost your worth, you’re painfully, hopelessly, insignificantly average.
Some days you look into a mirror and you hate what you see. Because all you can do is point at all the things you want to change.
Sometimes you let your day go by and by the time the sun falls, you still have idea of what to do; your work goes untouched and your responsibilities are neglected for yet again another day. Sometimes you wallow in self-pity and you drown in bad thoughts and negative vibes.
Every so often, you’re sitting on a couch with him and you’re conscious that in moment that you adore him and he challenges your thinking. You find it hard to fathom how he can be so unbelievably intelligent and charming and funny and perfect. But it doesn’t last for long. Most other times, you find yourself shedding uncontrollable tears onto your pillow, wondering how it all fell apart.
And then you see daylight. That sudden realisation that came as a bright shining light — that all these while you have been viciously and consciously choosing to revolt against self-love. You forgot that self-love is equally, if not more powerful than romantic love.
Love is our motivator, our supporter, our purpose. As love keeps us balanced and in orbit, our hearts breathe life. And this cycle continues freely, graciously, endlessly around us. But while it may seem natural to offer our love openly to others, self-love is something strangely different. It requires more than patience, acceptance and understanding – things we are often willing to have with others, yet not with ourselves.
There is self-love. A love made for you.
A love created with a lifetime of patience, a lifetime of soul searching, a lifetime of understanding, and a lifetime of investments. A love conceived within ourselves, through heartbreak and pain and tears and grieving. A love that can only be validated on your own.