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9 times I hate myself for having too many feelings

9 times I hate myself for having too many feelings

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1.

On days when I feel distant. When I feel like no one really cares about my existence and I can’t do anything about it. Which makes me not want to have any human interaction at all. I just end up distancing myself from everyone and hope that no one asks me if I’m fine because that means that people can tell that there’s something wrong, and afterwards I have to forcibly fake a smile to pretend that I’m okay.

2.

On the death anniversary of a loved one who has passed away. I am reminded all day that they are no longer around.

3.

When I watch sad, old romantic movies like the ‘Notebook’ or ‘Her’. Oh gosh, just thinking about what the ending could have been or should have been makes me want to tear up all over again.

4.

When my friend is down and out. I feel like I can just sit down with them and cry even when I don’t understand what is going on.

5.

When I see someone homeless, suffering, or in pain. I can’t take it. All I want to do is say to them, “Take my money” when I really don’t have any. Afterwards which I would think about how lucky I am and how bad I feel for being lucky to not be alone.

6.

When a song hits a little too close to home. Sometimes songs just shuffle and miraculously plays at the perfect timing. Somehow it feels as though its singing my life story. Every emotion is spot on and the feels are all so intense, enough to make me cry because I can relate to every. single. word.

7.

When I’m saying goodbye to someone. It always feels so final. I think about whether it could be the last time I see them. I hate feeling like it could be the last time I say it. I’m an extrovert who gets energised by being around other people and I cherish people too much to say goodbye.

8.

When I look through old photos. Relieving the past usually makes me more sad than happy. I miss how happy I was and the people that made me happy then. That’s when I get emotional and bawl my eyes out. Again.

9.

When people tell me that I’m too sensitive/emotional. Duh, I hate myself for that and I hate you for reminding me.

Hui Xin Huixin is a true ENFJ. Her passions include fashion, dancing and everything design. Her latest obsession? Acai!

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